Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
