i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
