apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
