My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
