you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
