i'm signing you up for texting rehab
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
