some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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