you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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