Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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