Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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