it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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