Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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