im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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