Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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