The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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