Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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