remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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