Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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