honey bunches of taint.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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