I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
