were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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