Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess