running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.