i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.