u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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