Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...