Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS