Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.