oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage