Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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