I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
