is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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