New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
