how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
