Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
