my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize