Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
