she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
