herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
