do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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