I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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