I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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