just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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