Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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