I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
