I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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