Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
