No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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