For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
