look no pants
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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