Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
