I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
