i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
