This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
