i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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