I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
