he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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