Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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