RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
