I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
