i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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