I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
