im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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