Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
