Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
