that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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