and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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