i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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